Thursday, August 23, 2012


If Barbie had nipples
I'd do her
Without nipples, I find it hard to get excited about her
But if she had nipples, I'd do her

And a vagina
She would have to have a vagina as well
Because otherwise how would I do it?
I'd have to take a drill to her nether portions
And the outcome would be uncomfortable for all concerned

So nipples and a vagina
And I'd do her

Of course, Barbie is a really tiny doll, and I couldn't do a doll that small, logistically speaking
She'd have to be much bigger
With nipples and a vagina

And not a doll
I wouldn't want to do a doll
If Barbie wants me to do her, she'll have to not be a doll
It would take the pleasure out of doing Barbie if she just lay there staring blankly at me
No sound but the squeaking of plastic
So definitely, not a doll

I would not hesitate to do Barbie if she had nipples, and a vagina, and was the size of a woman, and was not a doll
A Barbie like that is a Barbie I could get on board with
She should also have a tattoo

I would love to do Barbie if she had a tattoo
But Barbie never has a tattoo
If I could get someone to paint a delicate tribal tattoo on her shoulder with a tiny paintbrush, Barbie would be perfect
If she was a full-size Barbie who was not a doll, of course, we wouldn't need the tiny paintbrush
I could just ask her to get a tattoo

So I would do Barbie, if she had nipples and a vagina, and was not tiny and not a doll, and had a tattoo
And if she had an hourglass figure and black hair, that would be nice too
Because I think Barbie's hot

If Barbie was an actual woman, I wouldn't be so picky, of course
I would do an actual woman
That would be sweet
I'm not sure if I would do a woman without nipples
She might have had her nipples pulled off in an industrial accident and I wouldn't want to discriminate against accident victims
That'd be cruel
She would probably still have to have a vagina though
I guess I could take a drill...
No, she'd definitely have to have a vagina

But I'm flexible about the tattoo
But it would still be nice

Also she should come with her own Dream Car

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Sometimes I Dream

Sometimes I dream
Of breaking bones
Splintering shattering crunching to dust
Fists hitting walls and knuckles bent and crushed
By their own irresistible force

And kneeling
Floorheaded wallfisted beetleballed
Keening like a dying cat
Dreaming of broken bones
And relief