What would you do

What would you do
If I told you that I loved you more than breath
What would you do
If I told you I would follow you until death
Would you stand up and scream at me, slap my face and say you want to see me dead?
Because honestly
That seems like quite an extreme reaction.

What would you do
If I came home one night
Bleeding from a head wound I received outside Hungry Jack's?
Would you take off all your clothes and hungrily lick the blood from my forehead?
Because honestly
That would be really disturbing

I've got to be honest
I find you very unpredictable
Sometimes it seems I don't know you at all
Especially when I consider
That I have never actually met you
You're just a girl I once saw in a food court

I don't really know where I'm going with this
It would probably sound better
If I knew how to play the piano
I could have had lessons, but I chose instead to play soccer
Which was a mistake because when I was 12
I was sexually assaulted by the rest of my team

What would you do
If I told you I loved you more than I loved being sexually assaulted by a soccer team?
Would you take it as a compliment, or would you spit in my face and try to bite off my arm?
What's wrong with you anyway?

What would you do
If I told you I loved you more than some hot chips in a bag?
I mean the chips are in a bag, I don't mean I love you in a bag
But if you were in a bag, I would love you
I would love you in a bag, or a box, or a thermos
But what would you do?
Would you say, even with chicken salt?
I would say yes, even with chicken salt and you know how much I love chicken salt
Would you appreciate that?

Or would you simply shoot me in the head and take my wallet?

I certainly hope not, for that last one.